what i want to remember

So it's been a while since I've written a blog post. And I honestly didn't write anything because I felt like things just weren't going very well in my life. I know that we shouldn't only share and record the happy times in our lives, but I honestly spent the whole month of November thoroughly overwhelmed and ashamed of myself as a mother and I guess I was too embarrassed to talk about any of it. Sometimes it's just hard to talk about the hard things in your life--especially when you're right in the thick of it.

But thankfully, things are starting to look up now! I don't know if it's the Christmas season distracting me with it's joyfulness and busyness or if it's just me calming the heck down, but I'm much happier now and things are starting to run a lot smoother in our home. So with this newfound confidence and optimism, I've been thinking about this little blog again and what I want to share about the past month or so. 

There's a lot I could say about the month of November. I could talk about Finley's two month appointment and the sadness at finding out she had gained less than a pound in a month. I could talk about the very difficult decision to stop breastfeeding and all the guilt and embarrassment that went along with it. I could share in great detail the tears shed and the prayers said to help me overcome my anxiety about taking Finley to Houston for Thanksgiving. I could tell you about all of the hours spent googling everything under the sun from "perceptive infants" to "blackout car seat covers" to figure out how to help Finley to just take a nap.

I was thinking today about all of these blog posts I could potentially write as I laid on the couch snuggling my baby while she napped. But then I looked down and saw this.

This sweet little angel with her cute little chubby cheeks perfectly content all cuddled up to her mama. I looked at her snoozing away and I realized that none of the bad that happened in the past month is important at all. And it doesn't matter whether I forget or remember what happened in November 2015 as long as I remember this moment today and how it felt to hold my baby girl close to me. To feel her breathing. Hear her snoring slightly. To feel her warmth and her happiness and her love for me. 

These are the moments I choose to share with the world and that I never want to forget. These are the moments I will always cherish and hold in my heart years from now when she's all grown up. 

So yes, motherhood has been a tad overwhelming throughout the past month or so. And I'm sure there will be plenty of anxiety to look forward to in the future as Finley gets older and our family continues to grow. But there are sure to be many more moments like this to also look forward to--quiet and simple moments of pure peace and joy. And these are the moments I want to remember.